the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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