if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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