I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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