My room smells like vodka and shame
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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