Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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