I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
