plz talk dirty to me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
