Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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