We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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