My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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