well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
