I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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