the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
