I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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