So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
