Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
