They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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