smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
