i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
