Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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