Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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