if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
