Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Holy shit dude........stairs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
