theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My feet surprised me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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