My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
