Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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