I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
