i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
