I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
