I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize