You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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