im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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