Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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