You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
