we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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