She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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