First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
