you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
