The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize