I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
