Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
