remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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