i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
