Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
