This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
