also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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