we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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