she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
