I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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