Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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