I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
