i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
