I think I just saw someone hide a body.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
