my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I accidentally burped into my bong.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
