I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
