so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
