I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
