It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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