I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
