I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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