why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
