im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
