she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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