You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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