That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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