Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
