Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Congratulations! We have a period
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
