she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
